YIN & YANG
It is of little surprise that the continuing war between the sexes have also
invaded the Net, the final frontier in free speech. Dumb blond jokes and "men
are jerks" humor abound. For today's column I am sharing a fine example
of a free-wheeling banter between man and woman. I got the man's version by
e-mail, and the sharp-witted retort from a feisty Cebuana in America named
Annepely P. Dakay-Liquigan,
who is more than up to the challenge:
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I'm glad I'm a woman. Hail, the daughter of Eve!
Over impotence and inadequacy, I don't grieve.
I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west
I don't secretly worry about the size of my dick,
or how long I can satisfy a woman with my little wick.
I don't get wasted after only 2 beers
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I don't have to drink to feel powerful and confident,
or drown unexpressed sorrows in a bottle of gin.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
I don't put on dingy underwear and wear it inside out
when there are no clean ones lying about,
and I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction
and I don't go around with creased and crumpled shirts
that have armpit stains and collar rings of dirt.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early
and when you ask why, get all bitter and surly.
I don't talk loudly or flex my pecs in public just to get a woman's attention,
then wonder why I'm either snubbed or laughed at from every direction.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I'm glad I'm a woman, so glad I could wear lipstick and a skirt
without being accused of being some sexual pervert.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back
I don't carry our differences into the sack.
I don't brag about the number of women I've laid and made unchaste
With the help of alcohol, drugs, brute strength or the woman's utter
lack of taste.
I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'll never go psycho, beat you up and threaten to kill you
when you say the relationship's not working and bid me adieu.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too
I know what the time is and I know what to do.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical, too.
I ask for directions and think before I act and rue.
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee
Ooooh, I honestly think it's a privilege for me
to have breasts, a uterus and a pair of ovaries.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
It's more fun than dealing with women after all
I live for the sole pleasure of living, not to prove my manhood
to anyone who cares, regardless of whether I really could.
I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
I won't deny my joy, ecstasy, doubt, wonder, awe or rage.
I don't tie up my soul and lock it in a cage.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.
Feel free to talk to me about business, law, philosophy, art or politics.
Anything please, besides those cars, guns or dicks!
Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery
Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman capable of giving birth.
I take the pain, the blood, the children, the Earth.
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
My body renews itself every twenty-eight days,
so if you can't take my heat, get out of my face.
And although it's true that men earn more,
women have entered previously forbidden territory to even the score.
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!
I'm a woman by chance, and Man, am I blessed
to be more than a crawling, belching, annoying horny pest!