AN INTERVIEW WITH THE STO. NINO
Freeman Metro Journal (Kneeling) : Good morning, Senor Sto. Nino. We're so honored that You have given us this time to interview You.
Senor Sto. Nino: Peace, man. May My Father's Blessings be always with you. As to time, you know I always have the time for everybody. Why don't you take a seat. You don't have to bruise your knee like Mayor Sanchez to convince Me that you're worthy of My presence.
FMJ (Embarassed): We are so humbled, my Lord.
SSN: I wish I could sit down on your lap and have a glass of milk with you. But I'm so busy with the problems of the world that I have to stay in this position even as we talk.
FMJ: It's always a wonder how it feels to carry the whole world in Your Hands.
SSN: Oh this (Pointing his little snout towards the sphere in his left hand) ... the whole wide world, as the popular Negro spiritual would put it. (Sigh) It's getting heavier each year, with the sin and suffering people inflict on each other. (Wipes away a tear)
FMJ: But, Jesus, millions of your faithful will help you carry the load.
SSN: Oh yeah? Remember I ended up carrying the cross for mankind. That's why I'm here. You see, millions of others, including my faithful, keep on adding on to the weight. You only have to read today's headlines to know what I mean.
FMJ: As the son of God who was sent to redeem humankind, you took on so many forms. Why is this so?
SSN: I am but a symbol of the entire philosophy of Godliness which is LOVE. What better form to take than that of a child. No human being in his right mind wouldn't like or love a child.
FMJ: Your followers just love to dress You up in many ways...
SSN: Just like mothers would like to dress up their toddlers. Look at that obese brat dressed up like Meatloaf. You would disagree with her mother's sense of fashion. But we're all entitled to our individual tastes. Do you know that some folks in Quiapo dressed me up in a Ginebra jersey with the number seven emblazoned on it?
FMJ: Like Jaworski? What will they think of next? Dress Your Mother's Image like Madonna Ciccone?
SSN: And I thought that only the Beatles thought they were more popular than I.
FMJ: As for Your form as a suffering Christ?
SSN: Why don't you interview Him? to the crucified figure at the center altar) He can speak for His own form. But maybe you can do that for your March issue.
FMJ: People with beliefs other than Yours think You're just an idol. Some of them even smash Your figurines.
SSN: Hay naku. With or without the Images that we show, God's love is here forever. However, since we're dealing with human beings, symbols are the most effective way into their hearts. Humans are an emotional people, that's why God's love shown through the image of the Sto. Nino appeals to them.
FMJ: How about convincing them through their minds?
SSN: Computers are not part of My Ministry.
FMJ: Isn't it a pity that Your Father's followers disagree on the manner by which they worship Him?
SSN: Disagree is an understatement. The Catholics and Protestants are blowing each other to smithereens in Belfast. So-called religious sects hurl mud and stones against each other over the TV and radio airwaves in their blocktime shows. The Christians are shooting down the non-believers in Yugoslavia. This last one saddens me most because the murderers dare carry my name. Haven't they heard that Jews and Arabs have kissed and made up? Coca-Cola is back in Saudi, for heavens sake!
FMJ: Would you rather that people prayed straight to Your Father?
SSN: I would rather that they prayed more.
FMJ: How do you feel about the fanfare that goes with worshipping Your Image?
SSN: All these festivals are fun. And being a (Holy) child, I enjoy them all. The Ati-atihans, the Sinulogs, the Dinagyangs, the Marajao-karajaos. Kasadya gyud. (Giggles) I love the consequence of families getting together to celebrate my festivals.
FMJ: Even with its excesses?
SSN: What excesses? Aw, c'mon, man. Faith is not all straight and stiff stuff. It is all about joy and happiness in the spirit of God. Everybody is entitled to a little cavorting, as long as they don't hurt people.
FMJ: But many of these practices border on the pagan.
SSN: Abraham worshipped My Father differently than how Solomon did, than how John the Baptist did, than how Peter and the Apostles did, than how the present Church leaders do. I don't think My Father takes offense in the way people Him differently. As long as they mean it in their hearts.
FMJ: Do you feel insulted that the seculars take advantage of your festivals for economic gain?
SSN: Why not? President Ramos does not have the monopoly of an economic agenda for this country. Kidding aside, making money is really okay for as long as you do not take advantage of the less fortunate. If not, all these manangs dancing before the walls of this Church will be banned.
FMJ: So, the Sinulog mardi gras is all right?
SSN: To the max! This shows the faithful that there's fun in worship.
FMJ: What is your favorite part of the Sinulog celebrations?
SSN: The parade, of course. The pomp, the color, the big contingents. I loved last year's environmental theme. I've always admired the dance troupes from the universities. But I really miss those gays in the Gaw floats. I wonder where they are now?
FMJ: Roasting in the fires of hell?
SSN: I don't think so, Roehl. For I am the Lord of everyone. Even the gays.
Published in The Freeman Metro Journal, January 1994