PINOY WEDDINGS
"When are you going to write something about weddings?" my father bugged me for the n'th time. He is peeved that Filipinos are so fond of lavish wedding productions.
Topping his list is our penchant for getting VIPs as sponsors. It reeks of social pretentions and mercenary intentions -- inviting government officials, politicians, prominent businessmen and influential people. As if that were not enough we get them by the dozen. Mom turned down the invitation of a relative upon hearing that she is one of 50 pairs of wedding sponsors.
In most cases the wedding sponsor is only known to the bride or groom or, worse, their parents. Thus, I take off my hat to Don and Grace who had for sponsors people who knew them both well since the couple first met and shortly after became sweethearts.
In seeking wedding sponsors who can add prestige to the affair and who can afford to give expensive presents we overlook that their responsibilities extend past the wedding ceremonies. They are supposed to impart the wisdom of age and experience to help guide young couples into marriage. As godparents they help provide advice and counsel to complement the roles of parents and parent-in-laws. Sadly, this, too, has been abused by getting persons whose connections will assure the husband or wife of a cushy job or promotion. This is an extension of nepotism by marriage.
Lost in the fervor to turn weddings into a loud social statement is the fact that it is a community celebration of a couple's union before God and society. Chances are when you come across a photo essay in the society pages of a newspaper the wedding is all about who attended. Akin to citing the couple's pedigrees -- who their parents are and what they do for a living. Where the couple will spend their honeymoon get an extra line if it's going to be abroad. And there might be a passing mention of their professions, but hardly a line on how the couple met or fell in love or how long they've known each other. Perhaps that is irrelevant in the society pages.
What is relevant are the frills. We secure the services of a famous designer to do the entire entourage, and the sketched design promptly find its way in the lifestyle section. A few minor adjustments was all it took for Lupe to fit into her mom's old wedding gown
Ballrooms of hotels are the favored venues for receptions, and if an interior decorator did it, that will rate another line. A far cry from the tradition of holding it at the bride's residence like Paul and Lysle did, or in the countryside like Boy and Aida did in Carcar.
We also lost touch with the tradition of having relatives and friends help out in the preparations. Now we engage the services of professionals like florists, bakeshops and caterers. Gone are the days when the flowers in the aisles and bouquets were picked from the mother's garden, or the cake was baked by an aunt, or the photographs were shot by a family friend as what happened when my brother Nards married Hayley.
The bride is from San Jose, Dinagat and the event was a public holiday in the island when the entire barrio pitched in starting with the brass band that welcomed my red-faced father upon his arrival at the wharf. The same brass band escorted the bride as she walked from her house to the chapel because the island didn't have any cars. At the end of the ceremony all the elderly women of the barrio performed a fertility ritual as the newly weds stepped out of the chapel.
The reception took place in the streets. Tarpaulins tied to electric posts provided guests with shade from the noonday sun. The tables, chairs and utensils were borrowed from neighbors. Others happily donated pigs, goats and chicken as well as fruits and vegetables. Men and women helped in cooking, washing, cleaning and other chores. All these were captured by a video camera, including the hungry expressions of children and dogs drooling behind the guests.
When weddings get out of hand it is often because parents and the entire clan get carried away their attempts to make the event the talk of the town. If they could have their way couples want a quiet, romantic and modest affair. How then do they balance the expectations of society to be razzled and dazzled?
Fortunately many are equally determined to put their own mark for a special touch of class. Rolly and Emily's invitation was printed on handmade recycled paper and came in bamboo tubes made and donated by the leper colony in Palawan. Ten-year olds Nicki and Dinky led guests in saying grace before dinner at auntie Lisa's wedding to Gi-gi. At Rodney and Leila's reception, the groom's family brought local delicacies for dessert from their hometown in Borongan, Samar. For wedding souvenirs, Jerry and Babylin gave away tree seedlings.
What about me? Uh, just wake me up when it's all over.
.for Michael & Melinda; Rex & Annepely
April 18, 1999